irritating much?

7. Joke: Sunday School Lesson

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe?” When Janice didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“God Almighty!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good” and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But, Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, “If you stick me with that thing one more time, I’ll break it in half and stick it up your ass!”

good luck uh boy

6. Long joke: Poor guy…

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:

“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

exhausted?

5. Long joke: The bride tells her husband

The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?”

“OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the
prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, “Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.”

Turning on his side, he smiles. “Then we will have to re-imprison him.”

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, “Honey, the prisoner is out again!”

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, “Honey, the prisoner escaped again.”

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, “Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

true

4. Short joke: man and woman

It is well known…
Man stands up to get knocked down, woman lays down to get knocked up.

jokes time!

3. Joke: The deaf Genie

A guy walks in to a bar with a little box and sits down at the bar. The bartender gets curious and asks, “What’s in the box?” The guys says, “Give me a pint on the house and I’ll tell ya.” The bartender thinks, “Fair enough,” and gives the guy a pint. After drinking it down, he pulls out a little man and a tiny piano. The bartender was amazed by this little man who had just started playing the piano. He asks the guy, “Where on earth did you find him?!” The guy replies, “Gimme a pint on the house and I’ll tell ya.” The bartender swiftly pours the pint. The guy drinks it down and pulls out a magic lamp and says, “There is a genie who will give you one wish.” The bartender asks, “Could I possibly have the lamp? Obviously in return for a pint.” The guy says, “Sure!” So the bartender rubs the lamp and the genie comes out to give him his wish. The bartender asks for “A MILLION BUCKS!” As he said this, a million ducks flew through the window. Startled and annoyed by this, he asks the guy, “What is going on?! I wanted a million bucks! Not a million ducks!” The guy replies, “The genie must be deaf because do you really think I wished for a 9 inch pianist?”

guessed what he asked for actually? no? here, let me tell you. he actually asked for a 9 inch PENIS! HAHA

jokes time!

2. Long joke: A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

jokes time!

1. Short joke: Learn to pray

When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.